I don't think I can write about the stages after a break up after all. It'll bring back to much memories that I've let sail away. Just thinking about what to write here has brought up fears in myself. I'm not sure if the grief is something that I can go through again. It may just break me for good and I've gone through too much to let you hurt me again. I can say it's a lesson for me. I've learnt to be myself in order to see that someone really loves me for me and not just for my 'package'. As much as I want to say screw you and you never mattered anyway, I know myself only too well to know the impact you left. So what I have decided to do instead is write a list. A list of what I hve learnt since the day you left...

Life.

Its never perfect.
There will always be things beyond one's control.

I hate this feeling of not knowing where my life is headed and being confused constantly. I've got no plans, so behind when compared to my peers.

A random morning.

So many people around me are sad now. It only reminds me of the position I was once at and I don't think I can write about the stages after a break up after all. It'll bring back to much memories that I've let sail away. Just thinking about what to write here has brought up fears in myself. I'm not sure if the grief is something that I can go through again. It may just break me for good and I've gone through too much to let you hurt me again. I can say it's a lesson learnt for me. I've learnt to be totally myself in order to see if that someone really loves me for me and not just for my 'package'. As much as I want to say screw you and you never mattered anyway, I know myself only too well to know the impact you have had on my life. I will not wish you well and I pray to Allah everyday that He takes any bad thoughts that I impose on you away. I just want to be numb and take the chapter with you as a distant memory of how I lost myself. I'll be damned if I let the memories of you seep back in again.