Obviously no one cares.

Work has been depressing.
If not for the friends, I truly wouldn't even bother going.
It just goes to show that whatever I do and no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough.
It's a reflection on my personal life too.
I wasn't good enough for him and I'm not good enough at work too apparently.
I'm not pretty enough.
Not smart enough.
Not good enough.
Not religious enough.
Not talented enough.
Just. Not enough.
No one will appreciate me and there will always be someone else that is deemed better than me.
Sometimes I don't know why I even bother.

To get my life back on track..

I need to list down the things I want to accomplish (which includes things I've been putting off):

1. Get a new job. Apply like crazy!
2. Sort out facebook shop.
3. Write resignation letter.
4. Meet my friends more.
5. Smile. And mean it.
6. Look at the future and block out the past.
7. Numb myself for awhile and recover.

12th July 2011

1.5 years.
Of not knowing.
Of left hanging.
Mixed emotions to know its over.

Sad I failed after so long.
Disappointed I let myself be in that position.
Angry it took so long for you to tell me.
Relief to be able to move on with nothing holding me back.
Happy I have no regrets.

Because I know I truly gave it my all.
Many times I cast my pride aside for you.
Many times I kept silent on how hurt and frustrated I was.

I finally have an answer.
I will not say thank you because it's long overdue.
I shall say however that I appreciate the reply as, from experience, I was prepared for no response.
I appreciate the honestly so I can truthfully say I can & will cut you from my heart.
I will remember you as a painful lesson in life.

I do not wish to hold grudges.
You showed me how much love I was capable of giving and now I will give it to someone more deserving.
You opened my eyes to turn to God when I was so lost.
I pray Allah numb me from any emotions should our paths cross and help me shut that door for anyone like you to infiltrate my life again.

A final goodbye.
This chapter has its closure at long last.

July is just another month that I miss you.

Sometimes, I feel crushed.
But even at those times I know how selfish and what a coward you are.
So why do I still feel like this?
I don't know how to answer that.

How does one explain why the heart wants what it wants.

If I messaged you, this is what I'll say..

I know you don't care.
But I just had to get this off my chest.
I miss you still.
Everyday.
There I said it.