I'm ok.

Keep telling yourself that because you are.
Stronger than you think.

Do not victimise yourself to an extent that you make yourself miserable.
Enough. It is more than enough.

Here I am. Once again.

I do not wish to be bitter.
Nor do I want to hate you.
If you only knew how I still felt.
Then again, even if you knew its not like you care.

Being numb would be best as that would mean I've stopped caring.
Any other feelings than that would mean you still affect my life.
Which at this moment you still do.

I've let you go to live your own life because I want you to be happy.
One always wants the person they love to happy.
But what about me?
All I want to be is happy.
Why is that so hard?

Please.

Dear God,

Please, after what I've written yesterday, I beg you to not confuse me by giving me dreams that make me think of possibilities. Dreams that make me think of him. Please. I need to stop. I want to stop.

Today.

Today I realised that as much as I love you, I would never want to be be someone who does not love me.
Yes, I may not be entirely happy with someone I love less than you but fact is, by him loving me more than you, I'm sure I'll be happier than being with you.
Feeling inferior.
Unwanted.
Rejected.
Insignificant.
That's how you make me feel.

Loved.
Cherished.
Beautiful.
That's how I want to feel.

Its me against the world. Alone.

Trust is just like glass.
No longer fixable once broken.
I pray my heart is not as such.

Promises are made when you're happy.
Unfulfilled when its over.
Broken promises that's all your words were.

Someday...

Goodbye
Should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I?
Layin' down the law that I live by,
Though maybe next time

I've got a thick tongue,
Brimming with the words that go unsung
Simmer then the burn for a someone,
A wrong one

And I tell myself to let the story end,
My heart will rest in someone else's hand
My 'why not me?' philosophy began,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday

Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me
Keep me when I'm hurting and make me,
Hang from your hands

Well, no more,
I won't beg to buy a shot at your back door
If I make it at the thought of you, what for?
It's not me anymore

And I'm not the girl that I intend to be,
I dare you darling, just you wait and see
But this time not for you but just for me,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday

Say it's coming soon,
Someday without you,
All I can do
Is get me past the ghost of you,

Wave goodbye to me,
I won't say I'm sorry,
I'll be alright
once I find the other side of someday
Oohoohooohoohooh...
Oohoohooohoohooh...

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,
Someday


"Gonna Get Over You" -Sara Bareilles

I am so stupid.

I just feel so numb today.
As if i can't find a meaning to anything anymore.
So tired of all the crying I did yesterday.
Who am I?
How did I let myself get here?

I know you're no good for me yet I miss you all the same.
Why am I so stupid;
When you are so selfish?
When you are doing fine without me?
When I never meant anything to you?

From the beginning, the signs were there.
But my love for you made me blind to them and I refused to listen.
Yet it stays the same...

Its March...

Honestly, only God knows how I feel right now.
I don't even have it in me anymore to talk about it.
Because it shouldn't impact or affect my life anymore.
Why should it?
It's been more than a year.
I'm sure people are also sick and tired of hearing about it.
Can't blame them.
Even I am sick and tired of all of it.
Why can't I let go of the thoughts of you.
Why can't my heart just stop...