Don't wan to be here anymore.

I want to stop feeling hurt.
This is not who I am.
Wounded.
Broken.
I want to stop playing this victim.

This is me now.

I look back to more than a year ago and realised...
I USED to be so happy...

Just like that

Its hard to comprehend.
When it is so unexplainable.
Why it's so unpredictable.
The way people change.
The way feelings change.
In a split second.

Things as you know it are no longer.
It does not have to be logical.
Nor does it need to be rational.
Change is inevitable.
Unavoidable.
Undeniable.

Sometimes it's for the best.
Other times you just dig deeper.
Trying to hold on.
Yearning for what was.
Realise it will never be the same again.
Either accept and move forward with it.
Or undergo the process of sinking into the quick sand.
Desperately struggling for it to stop pulling you in.

Life is a contradiction.

When does letting go not mean giving up?

Are you giving up when you know you can push through it still?

But what if it's at the expense of losing yourself?

When you move on...

I was just thinking about how one day, eventually, you will move on with someone else.
What will happen to me then?
How will I react?
I guess I should try to start thinking that's how it is now.
Imagine you are with someone if I have to.
So that I'll lose hope.
Better now than when it really happens in future right.
Not sure if I can take that devastation.
It'd be horrible if that were to happen.
What if I never recover?
The thought of you loving someone else is beyond words.
You'd be smiling at her like how you used to smile at me.
With that tenderness and cheekiness in your eyes.
You'll hold her like how you held me.

But wait, I need to remind myself that you never loved me anyway.
Do you see me?

Please GOD, help me forget and let go...