To be who I am, I need to find out who I am

I refuse to let my past dictate my future.
If you fall, keep getting up.
Never let anyone make you feel insignificant and unworthy.
Never let anyone make you feel like you weren't enough.

How do you let go of someone who you really love but you know he is not worth what you are going through?
By believing that you are.

Sick.

I'm sick again.
Don't know what's wrong.
Keep falling sick these few weeks.

Hmmm... still feel like crying.
Maybe should just let it out rather than keeping it in.
If not I'll break down harder later on.

I just want to fall into someone's arms.
Just let it all out.
So I can be myself again.

Today

Nearly time for bed and for no reason I feel like crying.
Like grieving.
Maybe it's because a friend told me something.
I understand and I know how he feels.
It's only fair that I let him do so as I can't be selfish.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel how I have felt.
Though I feel like I'm losing a friend, I know I also let him do what he feels he need to do.
To protect himself.
Just like how I am protecting myself.

People always leave...

Life: It goes on...

Letting go of someone dear to you is hard,
But holding on to someone who doesn't feel the same is much harder.
Giving up doesn't mean you are weak.
It only means you are strong enough to let go.

22/10 11.59PM

If you believe that you are happy, then fine.
I'll leave you alone since thats what you want to be. Alone.
Unlike you, I can't pretend to be happy when I'm lonely.
But its what you want so I have to let you go.
Let me just say thank you for everything.
Now I just want nothing.
None of it mattered.

Don't look for me when I'm gone.
Not that you will.

Nothing ever hurt like you.

On 22/10 11.59pm, I will do something to replace the memory of what that date stands for.
Its time.

Reasons why...

1) He is selfish because he only thinks about his feelings and is very calculative.
2) Has or makes time for everything else except me.
3) He does not appreciate me.
4) He is a coward as he refuses to face his problems.
5) Does not have the decency to try to understand where I am coming from because he refuses to listen.
6) Does not love me or else he would have at least tried.
7) Commitment issues.
8) Has made me miserable for a much longer time than he has made me happy.
9) Worried that people will know.
10) You made me bring my wall down and lose myself and then you left.


Lots more reasons but I tink 10 is more than sufficient.

So lost.

Why do I keep having this feeling that I just can't get rid off?
Just when I have a few good days where I feel strong and alright, something just knocks me back down.
When will it end?
I SO EXHAUSTED.

What is going on with me.

Now what?

I don't know how to express how I feel.
I feel strong enough to let go.

Dear God, don't let me lose this strength you have given me but please, I seek your guidance.
It's what I should do right?
Please give me a sign so I'd know what I should do.
Lead me with rationality and please give me the strength to keep a handle on my emotions.
Let me be calm and remember YOU always.

Please.

Sometimes

Sometimes I just need to express how I feel.
Thats why I blog so much.
Because I know I can't keep depending on others.

Nobody knows how a piece of my heart just dies when I think about things.