Its been awhile...

Its been so long since I've blogged.
I feel strange really.
Like I can't make up my mind.
I'm pretty sure that I feel ok sometimes because I'm in contact with friends and I surround myself with people.
Yet at other times, I feel so sad and scared because I know they are not what I am looking for nor what I want.
But then again, are you what I want?
Am I just holding on because of how you made me feel or do I really love you still?
I don't doubt how I feel about you though I know I'm forcing myself to suppress it so it won't hurt as much.
How do I begin to tell you how exhausted I am?
I know for a fact that you don't love me as much as I love you.
So do I let go or do I try to win back your love?
Effort.
I know all relationships require that.
However it just doesn't seem fair that I'm the only one trying and trying.
So do I just give up?
Find someone that I know for sure loves me more than I love him?
I know it won't be fair to him but somehow I feel like the more I know he loves me, the more I will appreciate and love him thereby making it fair wouldn't it?
Its been 8 months.
Did you even realise that?