Where is life taking you?

I tried so hard.
Gave so much that I neglected my own needs.
There was really nothing more I could have done.
You've taken me for granted for far too long.

All this time. Enough.
All my wasted emotions. Enough.
All the tears I cried. Enough.
All my effort just went down the drain.

Now get out.
I don't have to show you the way.
It's the same path you were forced to take 4 years ago.

Yes I can.

I seriously don't know what is going on with me.
Emotions going haywire like nobody's business.

I know now that I need to let go completely and cut off all contacts.
I need to.
Seriously.
I don't want to go back to feeling how I did in January and February.

I know I can do this.
I know I can.

Well then...

Memories are just things of what once were.
What we were is no longer what we are.
How we were is no longer how we are.

How I smiled is no longer how I smile.
How I laughed is no longer how I laugh.

How I loved will no longer be how I will love.
Just break me once and for all.

DEADLINE:
24/9/2010
11:59PM

Then there will no longer be any more extensions.

If you don't want to try, then don't bother me anymore

I'm tired of trying so hard.
Anyone else who has a heart will have at the very least a talk with me or just simply cut off all ties so it'll break me once and for all.
So I'd have a chance to recover.
But not you.
YOU are too selfish to do that.
YOU only think of yourself.
Poor YOU who couldn't give me 5 minutes when I gave you 8 months.
That's the difference between you and I.
I could never live with myself if I was as selfish as you.
As much as I want to hate you, I just can't.
So you know what, I'll just look at what I had with you as the biggest disappointment of my life.
Perhaps that will make me learn from it and move on.

Fate

Do you believe in fate?
I do.
But I also believe that without any effort, nothing will happen.
So you can sit there all you want waiting for something to happen.
BUT nothing's going to drop onto your lap if you don't put in effort.
If you don't work towards striving for something, you'll never achieve it.
I for one, refuse to go with the flow.
Enough is enough.

What else is there to do?

Are you happy?
If you are happy without me in your life, than will you take me out completely?
Just break me once and for all?
So that I lose all hope. Scold me. Spurn me. Make me hate you. Do something that will make me just give up.
Please?
If at any point your feelings for me were real, grant me that favour.

I'm tired of your games and I don't want to play anymore.
I'd rather be a quitter than a player.
If you think you've won as I'm just another girl who've fallen for you, then congratulations to you. You win. But forgive me if I don't shake you hand.
I'm afraid I won't be able to let go.
Worn out. Lost. Shattered. Aged.
I may be weak to let my emotions get the best of me but at least I know I'm not a coward to hide behind my emotions.
I've realised that as long as you are in my life, I won't be able to let go.
I need you out so I can close that door to my heart.
Stop preventing me from closing the door by putting your foot there.
I just want to be happy.
After giving you all these months, don't I deserve at least that?

Its been awhile...

Its been so long since I've blogged.
I feel strange really.
Like I can't make up my mind.
I'm pretty sure that I feel ok sometimes because I'm in contact with friends and I surround myself with people.
Yet at other times, I feel so sad and scared because I know they are not what I am looking for nor what I want.
But then again, are you what I want?
Am I just holding on because of how you made me feel or do I really love you still?
I don't doubt how I feel about you though I know I'm forcing myself to suppress it so it won't hurt as much.
How do I begin to tell you how exhausted I am?
I know for a fact that you don't love me as much as I love you.
So do I let go or do I try to win back your love?
Effort.
I know all relationships require that.
However it just doesn't seem fair that I'm the only one trying and trying.
So do I just give up?
Find someone that I know for sure loves me more than I love him?
I know it won't be fair to him but somehow I feel like the more I know he loves me, the more I will appreciate and love him thereby making it fair wouldn't it?
Its been 8 months.
Did you even realise that?

Question after question.

Is it the right thing to do?
Will I regret it?
Should I even not bother?
I still have time to back out.
Should I?

Where can I find my answers?