It is what it is.

I hate not knowing what I want. Its INFURIATING! What am I going to do?

On another note, work starts next week. It'll probably tire me to death and I won't have as much time to think about stuff as much. I can only hope. But I'll miss the people I've met. I'll miss interacting with them. I hope I can find enough energy to go back on my off days.

I've never been as confused as this. Feel like my life is out of my control. And the control freak in me is going crazy with all the back and forth my mind is doing. I WANT TO FORGET. What I remember. What I feel. But to forget would mean nothing happened and that in itself would be more heartbreaking. It would mean that I was nothing. So insignificant that I meant nothing.

Crying my heart out is so exhausting. Especially since it doesn't solve anything. But knowing my life is different hurts so much. As hard as I try to hold myself together, I just keep breaking into pieces again and again.