I have to do this for myself.

I did not realise that I had both fists clenched tightly as I held on to you.
If both my fists are clenched, how can anyone hold my hand?
How I want to be held again.
How I want to be loved again.
I miss showing my affection for someone and being all manja-manja.
How I want you.
You fail to understand I'll go through anything just to be with you.
You however just keep rejecting me.

So I've learnt I need unclench my fists and let go.
Of my dreams of a future with you. Of every part of you. Completely.
And leave my hands free for someone to tenderly hold my hands.
Who will love me as much as I love him.
Who will cheer me up when I'm down.
Who will pacify me when I'm upset. Because thats all a girl wants sometimes. To feel loved.
Who will do anything just to make me smile.

I'm tired of being alone. Of not having someone to talk to. Of all the crying.
You don't understand how I sick and tired I feel daily. Or shall I say you refuse to understand.
You pretend I'm ok so that you don't feel guilt on your conscience.
So I'll pretend I'm ok because I don't want you to feel guilty.

What I don't understand is how you don't feel tired from all the running.
Making something so easy so very complicated.
After you tire yourself out, HELLO? The problem is still there.
Don't make it sound like I'm being all dramatic. You know I'm not.
You know I don't like complications.
Life is not a drama.