Why I did what I did.

God knows, how much I wanted to move on.
God knows, how much I wanted to HATE you so it'd be easier.
God knows, how angry I TRIED to get at you.
Why HE didn't let me, I don't know.
Perhaps its because...
God knows, how determined I was to not give up on you.
God knows, how much I loved you.

How it killed me to give up on you, you will never know.
Neither will you ever understand.
Fact is, a woman's love is much deeper than a man's love.
I wasn't going to leave. But you forced me out of your life.

I gave up not because I didn't love you.
I gave up because I was losing myself in my love for you.
All that sadness was not who I am.
I gave up because I did not want to end my life for you.
(Thank You Ya Allah for this)
I gave up because I was near the point of being BROKEN.

Most of all, I gave up because you did not love me.
Because when I gave you 4 months of my life waiting to talk to you, you didn't even bother to give me a few minutes/hours.
Instead you ignored everything and constantly said 'I dunno'.
Maybe thats why you smoke so much, to 'escape' from your troubles in life.
Because you refuse to face them.
You fail to realise that when that stick burns out, your troubles will still be there.

I gave up because I was so insignificant to you that I could be ignored.
It worries me if a part of me will never give up completely. :'(