Hmm.. I wonder...

Hmmm I'm not sure what to expect when I slept yesterday night.
I did dream of you though.
But it wasn't during the night (which I didn't dream of anything).
Instead it was during the sleep I had after solat subuh.
I'm not sure if it counts?
Hmmm... I feel calm now, but I'm not sure what it means or even if it means anything.
I'm not sure if its confusion. I feel ok.
I wonder if I can perform the solat again?
Will it give a confirmation of some sort?

There is a saying,
'If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were.'
So I've opened that cage and you have flown away my little birdie.
I miss those days when you made me happy with your joyful chirping.
How excited and happy you were to see me.
And how each morning I looked forward to seeing you and hearing from you.
Now everyday I face that empty cage with its door still open and my heart breaks all over again.
And when the time comes that little birdie finally feels its time to go back, he might just discover that the cage is no longer vacant and that door is now closed to him.

Thats actually what I'm afraid of.
Because I want that door to always be open for you.
But is it really worth it to wait? Its a year till you finish school.
I want to wait but what if it was for nothing?
Because you've not given me that security.
What if you not being ready was just an excuse you gave me?
Am I being stupid?
Waiting for you because my heart won't quit on you?
What does that make me?

I have been understanding and I have accepted your past because what I want is a future with you.
Because the past is what makes people into who they are and there's nothing anyone can do to change their past after all.
I guess if its meant to be, I will meet you again.
But how long will that be?
And if its not, I hope I NEVER see you again.

If it were still vacant, and if we meet again, I don't know if that door to my heart will still be open for you.
What if you've filled the time when we were apart with many replacements?
You might not have been serious about them but they are people with feelings.
And for you to play with people's emotions like that,
Will I be able to look at you the same way?
Will any others be able to accept you and your long list?
But I'm unsure of what to do if that list gets longer.

All this time I have given and waited, for anyone but you, it wouldn't have been worth it.