The One. maybe not.

Have you ever met someone whom you thought was the one?
Someone whom you believed you've been waiting for all your life to meet?
Someone you waited for for 23 years.
Someone who makes you feel so special that you can't believe he chose to be with you?
And how you see your future when you look at him.
And although you guys are complete opposites, something just feels right.
Because you've seen how he takes care of you, how he smiles and looks at you.
No matter how angry or annoyed you get at him, a smile from him just makes you smile right back.
How he made you laugh.
And how he loved seeing you smile.

Well, I've met him. And lost him.
And how heartbroken I was.
And how much I have cried. And hoped. And prayed and begged God.
That he might change his mind.
But I can't force someone to stay if he does not want to.

Is it fair to associate me with your past?
When each person is different.
When you know it was your own fault she left.
When you were given another chance, this time with me, to not repeat your mistake.
Yet you fail to learn from you mistake.

Because it takes two in a relationship.
Which you fail to realise. YET AGAIN
Someone who wants to run away from problems instead of facing them.
Letting the fear that the person he loves will leave, leaving him devastated, to dictate how he lives his life.
Someone who would rather lose you now rather than years down the road potentially fearing he will that devastation again.

When I've given 4 months of my life after we broke up trying to prove to you that I wasn't going anywhere.
Those tears they kept falling in those 4 months.
4 months of not knowing where I stood.
4 months of not knowing where we were going.
4 months of complete misery.
It has been exhausting.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Physically.

And though my determination won't let me wave that white flag, my heart is raising it high.
Because now when I think/look at you, I no longer feel love.
All I see is HURT.